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sweet dream or a beautiful nightmare, either way I don't wanna wake up from you

Jul. 11th, 2009 | 05:29 pm

each year i get progressively less and less okay.

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Feb. 25th, 2009 | 03:30 am

at least i called it.

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Shippensburg University of Pennsylvania

Feb. 18th, 2009 | 11:34 pm

I'm visiting friday saturday
and i want it to be written
i smell disaster

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Feb. 10th, 2009 | 01:21 am

Mandi3 Pi3 43 (12:44:24 AM): there is only one thing that i think i should have done differently
cayzink (12:44:37 AM): huh?
Mandi3 Pi3 43 (12:44:55 AM): and that will be next time i take you fourwheeling ive decided we are not bringing my sister along
Mandi3 Pi3 43 (12:45:00 AM): and thats all i have to say.
cayzink (12:45:05 AM): hehe
cayzink (12:45:16 AM): okay im clearly more than okay with that
Mandi3 Pi3 43 (12:45:27 AM): lol i would hope so
Mandi3 Pi3 43 (12:45:41 AM): otherwise what you just tried to explain to me three times would have been a waste
Mandi3 Pi3 43 (12:45:44 AM): and id be confused
cayzink (12:45:56 AM): lol yes
cayzink (12:46:22 AM): &i really cant help it
cayzink (12:46:34 AM): i like things with engines that move
cayzink (12:46:41 AM): and i like you, therefore its all common sense from there
Mandi3 Pi3 43 (12:46:45 AM): lol me tooooo
cayzink (12:46:55 AM): well there you go
Mandi3 Pi3 43 (12:46:59 AM): lol okay
Mandi3 Pi3 43 (12:47:04 AM): well what would you like to know?
Mandi3 Pi3 43 (12:47:11 AM): its only fair since that was my insentive
cayzink (12:47:48 AM): true enough
cayzink (12:48:20 AM): uhh my brain is still in some sort of shock pattern so i cant really think too much
cayzink (12:48:39 AM): so i suggest you tell me what you initially suggested to tell me caus ei cant think of anything else
Mandi3 Pi3 43 (12:48:53 AM): lol let me go look at what that was
cayzink (12:49:03 AM): lol okay
Mandi3 Pi3 43 (12:50:43 AM): aha yes so i am telling you what you do to me when you touch me correct?
cayzink (12:50:53 AM): hehe yes
Mandi3 Pi3 43 (12:53:45 AM): lol well first of all when you first got on the fourwheeler it was possible that i may have almost hit thing because i was distracted by my inapropriate thoughts, and other than that when you touch me im usually incapable of functioning like a normal human being like with breathing, sometimes i tend to forget that i have to do that lol which was also a problem on the fourwheelers and my mind tends to go into some sort of shock where i feel like im very high
cayzink (12:54:46 AM): hehe i really hope i do not cause any major accidents in your life because if this is the case i may just be a health hazard to you :p
Mandi3 Pi3 43 (12:55:00 AM): lol i'll be fine i promise
cayzink (12:55:28 AM): you better be because otherwise i can just never touch you ever again
cayzink (12:55:42 AM): and eventually that would become a problem for me im not gonna lie
Mandi3 Pi3 43 (12:55:56 AM): hmm that may be a problem in my opinion cause i like the way i feel when you do
cayzink (12:56:24 AM): well as long as im not going to be your cause of death that wont be an issue
Mandi3 Pi3 43 (12:56:31 AM): lol you wont be
cayzink (12:56:44 AM): good because that would just be depressing
Mandi3 Pi3 43 (12:56:55 AM): lol i agree
cayzink (12:57:28 AM): thats good i suppose
Mandi3 Pi3 43 (12:57:36 AM): i think it is
Mandi3 Pi3 43 (12:57:46 AM): so was that a fair trade in your opinion?
cayzink (12:57:52 AM): sure
Mandi3 Pi3 43 (12:57:57 AM): sureee?
cayzink (12:58:03 AM): meaning yes
Mandi3 Pi3 43 (12:58:10 AM): lol i see
Mandi3 Pi3 43 (12:58:19 AM): is there anything else you want to know?
cayzink (12:58:37 AM): oh you would ask me that
Mandi3 Pi3 43 (12:58:47 AM): lol why do you say that?
cayzink (12:59:13 AM): lol because if you could hear the inside of my head right now it would basically be like static or something
Mandi3 Pi3 43 (12:59:26 AM): lol static?
cayzink (12:59:31 AM): yes
cayzink (12:59:35 AM): static
Mandi3 Pi3 43 (12:59:36 AM): lol whyyy?
cayzink (12:59:53 AM): because im a special kid
Mandi3 Pi3 43 (1:00:04 AM): lol that thought may have crossed my mind
cayzink (1:00:12 AM): hehe
cayzink (1:00:16 AM): well its true
cayzink (1:00:27 AM): &ithink my mind exploded or something
cayzink (1:00:49 AM): because you realize the contents of this converstation are the reason why im getting kicked out of my housee
cayzink (1:00:52 AM): =epic fail
Mandi3 Pi3 43 (1:01:02 AM): awww im sorry
cayzink (1:01:08 AM): not your faulttt
Mandi3 Pi3 43 (1:01:22 AM): lol you could always try being straight
cayzink (1:01:28 AM): its okay, but it has a lot to do with why expressing them is so goddamned hard
cayzink (1:01:29 AM): and no
cayzink (1:01:32 AM): i dont want to
Mandi3 Pi3 43 (1:01:38 AM): well thats good
Mandi3 Pi3 43 (1:01:46 AM): cause i think that might make me sad
cayzink (1:01:52 AM): lol it would make me sad too
Mandi3 Pi3 43 (1:01:56 AM): awww lol
cayzink (1:01:59 AM): trust me, i did it for 17 years
cayzink (1:02:07 AM): with one or two discrepencies
cayzink (1:02:11 AM): two, actually
cayzink (1:02:22 AM): however, being straight doesnt work for meee it creeps me out
Mandi3 Pi3 43 (1:02:32 AM): aww lol
cayzink (1:02:32 AM): so theres no need to be sad
Mandi3 Pi3 43 (1:02:33 AM): me too
Mandi3 Pi3 43 (1:02:41 AM): well okay then thats good
Mandi3 Pi3 43 (1:02:45 AM): cause i dont really want to be
cayzink (1:02:53 AM): thats a good thing
Mandi3 Pi3 43 (1:02:57 AM): i thought so
cayzink (1:03:03 AM): if you wanted to be sad it would be a problem for me
Mandi3 Pi3 43 (1:03:13 AM): it would be a problem for me to
Mandi3 Pi3 43 (1:03:15 AM): too*
cayzink (1:03:22 AM): because i want you to be happy, but i also want you to have what you want and if you wanted to be sad....
cayzink (1:03:31 AM): oh god i cant even comprehend past that
Mandi3 Pi3 43 (1:03:40 AM): lol me neither so dont try
cayzink (1:03:46 AM): lol i am not
Mandi3 Pi3 43 (1:04:21 AM): god i better fucking wake up on time tomorrow
Mandi3 Pi3 43 (1:04:24 AM): or i will kill someone

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Feb. 7th, 2009 | 09:16 pm

1. alcohol
2. lists
3. stability
4. the dollar tree
5. christine elizabeth anne vecchione
6. my bizarro taste in music
7. freedom
8. driving
9.condensing things at work
10. ranting
11. progress
12. glow sticks
13. things going as planned
14. things going better than planned
15. things not needing to be planned at all
16. someone.

1. feeling inadequate
2. lying
3. my parents
4. living at home
5. the dollar tree
6. mystery bruises
7. alcohol being number 1 on the previous list
8. self-control
9. boundries
10. paranoia
11. caring
12. hope
13. my mother (yes i know shes already on here)
14. mono
15. spiders in my bathtub.
16. waiting for something that may or may not ever happen

1. the world fucking over people i care about
2. being called a liar
3. being sick
4. being scared
5. mornings
6. insulting someone i care about
7. double standards
8. my own skewed morals
9. making decisions
10. being wrong on my judgments of people
11. getting yanked out of shippensburg
12. having mono since the spring and no one telling me
13. wasting my time
14. my mother's refusal to grant praise
15. batteries&candy being messed up at the dollar tree... aka my OCD
16. absolutely nothing.

1. robots/animatronic figures
2. ventrilloquists&their dummies
3. sharks
4. skin cancer
5. leeches
6. men hitting on me
7. abandonment
8. rejection
9. being alone
10. failure
11. my mother
12. working at the dollar tree forever
13. living in my parents house forever
14. not going back to school next fall
15. my biggest ex still loving me
16. the girl i like getting back with her ex.

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Jan. 28th, 2009 | 10:51 pm

[facebook/people addiction 101]

today i had a sex dream
not with who i'd expect
some random chick that added me on myspace


i checked amanda's facebook to see if she had recently updated her status

i've decided if she never comes back i might explode

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From your head to your toes, I would be there...

Jan. 28th, 2009 | 10:44 pm
music: fly on the wall, t.a.t.u.

i identified today why i am falling apart.
the only problem is, for once, there is nothing i can do to stop it.

I really need to not be in school right now, i really need to be working
i cannot live with my parents, thats for certain

I'm thinking about taking the semester off in the fall, and living in shippensburg
in the townhouse me and book boy are getting
and working full time.

i dont know how well this is going to work, meaning my life.

amanda promised me she would come back today and i don't know what to do. i believe she believes she is coming back, however
one of the reasons i am falling apart is nothing in my life that is important goes as planned
and there is nothing in the world more important to me than her.
which i know is a fail.
i dont even know how i got here, but i can't worry about that right now
right now i just need to try and glue myself back together enough to keep functioning.

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way to go, asshole.

Jan. 26th, 2009 | 07:49 pm

you just gave up on the one person who would never give up on you.

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goddamn it.

Jan. 25th, 2009 | 09:35 pm

bitch can WRITE.
better than i can too.
i didn't see that one coming at all.

and she came, drove two and a half hours,  just because i asked her to.

next thing i know, she'll have like fucking super hero powers
&will be over me
i have a lot of resentment towards the state of north carolina at large

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what a queer.

Jan. 20th, 2009 | 05:58 am

amanda (1:50:25 AM): thinking about anything?
christina (1:50:52 AM): lol i usually am
amanda (1:51:07 AM): do you want to shareeee?

I'm in love with a lesbian.

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